To the Township of Oberlin, Ohio, Lorain County
I propose an intentional resourcing of three Oberlin Mountains, in Oberlin, OH, for the intention of fulfilling two goals determined for the good of all Oberlinians:
1) PRIDE: to attain the status of possessing the tallest Mount Oberlin regardless of cost and effort, and hence a sense of personal stature, pridefulness and sense of accomplishment in the peoples of Oberlin.
2) APOLOGY: to instill a ritualistic process of athletic apology for both pridefulness and for consumption. Consumption is directly associated with the quantity and frequency of each individual’s personal refuse and garbage sent into the Lorain Landfill on a regular basis, thus creating toxic methane gas. The newest and tallest Mount Oberlin, shall be placed directly over the Lorain Landfill, utilizing said methane gas to propel hot air balloons and residents to the top of the new Mount Oberlin, where they shall perform a life-long ritualistic apology to Nature.
I propose that the Oberlin, OH Council create a direct replica form of Glacier Park’s Mount Oberlin (#1,) at a height of 8184 ft / 2494 m above sea level. Located in Montana, this new Mount Oberlin shall be transported to the location of it’s namesake, Oberlin, OH. This shall be accomplished by making a high quality direct cast of the entirety of Glacier Park’s Mount Oberlin in all of it’s surface detailed form. This should be done in the form of a hollow shell, not as a solid cast.
Oberlin College possesses a second Mount Oberlin (#2). Mount Oberlin #2 exists at a sea level of 891 ft / 271.57 m. This Mount Oberlin resides in Oberlin College’s northern section of the athletic fields next to the running track. It was unintentionally created in 1930, as an after-effect of a dig to create a college swimming pool. This large mound of dirt became affectionately known as “Mount Oberlin” to the College’s members, and still exists to this day, covered in grass. The sitting President in 1930 hoped that Mount Oberlin would be a resource for winter activities, such as tobogganing and sledding.
As of 2005, the Lorain County Landfill had surpassed the height of Mount Oberlin #2, at an elevation of 920 ft/ 280.4 m above sea level. The town of Oberlin, OH thereby lost the coveted title of possessing the tallest earth landmark in Lorain County, OH.
The town of Oberlin’s ability to regain it’s pride shall involve transporting and placing the newly created Mount Oberlin (#3,) directly on top of the Lorain County Landfill, which is situated to the northeast of the center of Oberlin. It will then achieve the international status of being the tallest Mount Oberlin, as it will then possess the height of an additional 920 ft/ 280.4 m from the current landfill. The total height shall then be 9104 f / 2774.9 m, making it the tallest Mount Oberlin (#3) in the world.
Caveat: People whose homes are covered by the new Mount Oberlin (#3) will need to move.
Oberlin’s Apology Method:
1) The new Mount Oberlin (#3) provides an opportunity to utilize the undesirable methane gas produced by the landfill as energy, fueling a hot-air balloon rail transit system along the western side of the mountain. Passengers of this hot-air balloon transit system are primarily the residents of Lorain County who employ the use of the county’s landfill.
The town shall impose upon these residents the required ride and visitation to this site upon every 1/4 ton of garbage that each resident is responsible for delivering to the landfill.
2) Upon reaching the summit, said resident shall perform a ritualistic and sincere apology to the world’s environment and Nature as a whole. After said apology is completed, each resident must walk down the entirety of Mount Oberlin on foot.